2. NEGOTIATE. Nothing is set in stone. Your budget and spending guidelines should change just as your lives do. Both partners can negotiate and renegotiate when necessary.
3. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. Wants and needs are two very different things. Make sure the family needs are taken care of before entertaining the thought of spending on each others wants.
4. DON’T TURN ON YOUR SPOUSE. Your spouse is your partner. When times get rough you and your partner must band together to develop a plan of attack.
5. MAINTAIN INDEPENDENCE. Yes, a marriage is a partnership, however this does not mean that each person must lose their financial independence. Agree on a spending amount or ‘allowance’ for each person. The allowance is used as personal spending of their choice.
6. DON’T HIDE IT. Don’t hide the money (income or spending) from your spouse. Trust plays a major role in successful relationships. If you have negotiated a budget that you both are abiding by there should be no reason to hide finances.
7. DON’T SPEND IT IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT. If you don’t have the money at the time you are purchasing it…chances are you can’t afford it.
8. TALK ABOUT IT. Talk about buying big-ticket items. These sorts of purchases impede on guidelines so they too should be agreed upon before spending the money.
9. BE REALISTIC. Fully understand your budget. Know how much your family income is and what your expenses are. Create your budget based on real numbers.
10. DON’T RENEG ON YOUR AGREEMENT. Once you have agreed to something follow the agreement. Breaking it will result in lost trust, frustration and feelings being disrespected.
11. BEWARE OF ‘WHEN’ THINKING. Don’t get caught in ‘when’ thinking – “I’ll pay this off when I get my next pay.” Most of us are guilty of doing this at one point and many of us have realized that ‘when’ never arrives. Usually the money you thought could be used to pay for your purchase has already been allocated towards the budget.
12. KEEP TRACK OF SPENDING. Write down each financial transaction your make, groceries, bill payment, gas, entertainment etc. Visually seeing spending habits will help identify areas where money is being wasted. Note: online banking is a great way to keep track of your spending
13. DON’T BE DRIVEN BY EMOTION. Don’t spend for the emotional high of it. Understand what drives you to spend and realize that careless spending can cause bigger emotional stress. Remember, emotional problems will not be solved with money.
14. BE INFORMED. Educating yourself is crucial in helping make the best decisions possible. There are many laws and incentives impacting your finances that many problems can be avoided if both individuals had the knowledge they needed to make better decisions.
15. FIGHT FAIRLY. Do not use money as a weapon to attack your partner.
16. DECIDE ON YOUR ACCOUNTS. Joint or not to joint…that is the question. Couples have come to many different arrangements when it comes to this. Whether you keep separate accounts, a joint account or both separate and joint accounts it doesn’t matter, just as long as both people are happy with the arrangement.
17. REMEMBER YOU AGREED TO IT. Don’t be resentful if things don’t turn out the way you thought they would. Remember, you agreed to it.
18. USE A SYSTEM FOR BILLS. Who should pay household bills should be discussed. Whether it’s one partner who takes on the responsibility or both people choose to pay them, make sure that there is a system in place for bill paying.
19. REFLECT BEFORE REACTING. Many times relationship problems mask themselves as financially motivated issues. Before reacting to problems that seem to be financial, ask yourself what the root of the problem really is.
By Gina Goldenberg BA, Cert. Ed. -Mess Management